Well I am hoping a new weekly posting will help get me back on track with regular postings so let me introduce you to…….
Douchebag of the Week
Mr. Nicholas Sparks, the author of such best selling books as The Notebook and Nights In Rodanthe is this week’s douchebag of the week. Mr. Sparks has to be one of the worst writers I have ever read and I am very reluctant to say that as I generally respect the craft of writing (unlike film making). Instead of writing 300 page books he has instead opted to write 150 page books and just repeat every line at least once with minimal change to the original sentence. I had the miserable experience of reading The Notebook at the request of my wife and I am not sure if this was torture or a cruel and inhumane joke. An example of his writing is found below in some of his more memorable quotes from the Notebook….
- You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.
- I know there could never have been another. I knew it then and I know it now.
- You and I were different. We came from different worlds, and yet you were the one who taught me the value of love.
Hello generic. His sophomoric and simpleton style of writing (perfect if you are a Palin fan) is not what earns him this title though. His recent comments to the Chicago Tribune (Full Interview From 2/9/10) are what gets him this accolade –
- “There’s a really big difference between having one novel made into a film and having seven. Alice Sebold had ‘The Lovely Bones.’ Is her life changed now?” Sparks asked. “But when you start getting over six, seven, we’re moving into territory where not a lot of people go.”
- “The Notebook’ is a good novel. There are no flaws with that novel”
- “That’s a novel that will stay around for a long, long time. That’s a novel that is taught in schools — that is out in Cliffs Notes. Classics just choose themselves.”
- “You’ll quadruple your money making a Nicholas Sparks movie. It’s money in the bank”
I am not going to question his ability to turn a profit but I am going to say a few things –
- You cannot write.
- Let’s say you can write (hahahaha). How many authors from London to Twain to Hemingway would ever say that they wrote a book that has ZERO flaws. No author (or artist) for that matter would ever say that regardless of what they wrote you king sizes douchebag.
- You are cracking on another author due to the fact she has only sold 1 book’s film rights! Again, I am not questioning your profit but know your role you little bitch. Writing a good book is writing a good book and Alice Sebold did exactly that.
- Again, I love McDonald’s but I also know that McDonald’s is not the greatest tasting food in the world. You are not even McDonald’s in the world of literature, you are not even Hardee’s.
Now go back and count your stacks of money but remember you are not an author by a long stretch of the imagination but you can take solace in the fact that you did receive DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK.