I Changed Soaps

Where was this when I needed it!?


Not exactly news worthy but for those who know me this will come as a mild shock.  I have for years professed my love for bar soap and disdain for liquid body soaps and in general my continued hatred over the concept of men wearing fragrances and smelling like cheap two bit whores (I love talking like I am in Deadwood – Best Show EVER)

However my skin is dry, nothing creepy, but it always has been and in general my over thinking / semi-craziness made me one itchy mother fucker.  This has been the case for the last 20 years of my life without question and without fail.  It gets worse in the winter and sometimes I look like a stray mutt on a street corner after a shower as you might catch me rolling around to scratch my back with any long sharp pointy stick.  This had to change.

Number one I am not going to use lotion as lotion creeps me out to no end for reasons I cannot explain.  The look, smell and feel of lotions just make me feel queasy.  So the only option minus hiring a full time back scratcher was to look into liquid body soap and this leads me to one of my favorite things to do regarding personal care products – trials and reviews.

I decided to start with 3 different ones and to use each one to it’s conclusion so I could get the most accurate sense of the product.   I choose these three based on my own opinion and with no outside feedback or knowledge.

This was the first one I choose.  At the store I opened it and smelled like slightly fragrant soap but nothing horrible.  I think I choose the Nivea based on my limited knowledge that they are known for being gentle on skin.  I used this for 12 days and I have to admit that right away my skin felt better which made the weefe give me an “I told you so” look every morning as she had been suggesting this switch for about 15 years.  The smell was pleasing, it made my skin feel great and it did not leave me feeling slimy (HUGE concern going in).  The one draw back was that the bottle was gigantic, seriously this thing stands like 12-13 inches tall and that mig have helped make it stand out on the shelves at the store it made. For an annoying time in the shower as I really don’t like the feeling of carrying a football in the shower.  Overall 7 out of 10 and a strong start.

Old Spice
I went against the grain on this one and picked something with a little more of a scent.  The immediate pro was the size of the bottle and it did rinse off clean.  However, by the 5th time I showered with it I felt like the two bit whore that I was hoping to avoid.  At times I would just be in the car and feel nauseous and I realized it was my whore scent doing it to me.  It lasted about 12 days and by the end I was happy to say bye.  Sorry Ray Lewis…but your deodorant still kicks ass along with your TV spots.  5 out of 10.

Clearly I picked this one as it seemed and smelled as close to bar soap as it could be.  It was a pleasing fresh scent and again the bottle was a good size and for some odd reason I like the grey color of it (the bottle that is).  This was the winner right away.  It smelled great, made me feel clean as god himself and it rinsed off perfectly.  I have to admit that all 3 made my skin feel great so the other intangibles really made the decision for me and clearly im running with the Dove soap for now.  9 put of 10.

Now let’s see how long this lasts until I need another random trial but  I have to admit that this was crazy but it served it’s purpose.  I think the weefe was just glad this only lasted 3 bottles as I originally was targeting 5-7.

God might love cleanliness but I also think he likes being thorough as well.

About martineden

I am not here to please anyone.
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4 Responses to I Changed Soaps

  1. The neighbor says:

    Do you know how I know you’re gay?

  2. martineden says:

    You can say all the things you want but lets face it…you have issues and lots and lots of them.

  3. sheila says:

    You should try Aveeno (the one with oatmeal). Amazing on the itch factor, nice and neutral smelling, and completely un-slimy. Me likey.

  4. martineden says:

    I am going to add that one to the list. I mean who can it really hurt if I try another soap right?

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