Time To Retire

Van Halen. It is time to retire. The new album sucks. You sound as dated as you can and have no business being out there anymore. Time to rest on your laurels and either start touring as a tribute show or just go the fuck away.

About martineden

I am not here to please anyone.
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23 Responses to Time To Retire

  1. Lottie Nevin says:

    Oh sweet Jeez. I am so out of the loop that I admit (hands held high) that I actually had to google that name. Trouble was, that I misread it and so came up with some radiation belt thingy?
    Anyway, guessed that wasn’t what you were on about so tried again and found VH’s website. Pressed the tit for the music and the damn thing woudn’t download…. You’re right! send him off! Even my patience is wearing thin and I still haven’t a damn clue who I’m meant to be listening to

  2. Anonymous says:

    you have zero taste Mr Belligerent WOman.

  3. martineden says:

    Listen man, I will give you all the prop you want that VH had an incredible run and might still be a great live band. However, that new album sucks. A lead track called “Tattoo”? Really? Some older bands know a formula like AC/DC, Motorhead or Iron Maiden and can stick with it and it works. Not VH. They sound so dated that it tarnishes what they were and that is a shame. DLR might even be able to sing just as good as he once did, EVH might be just as great of a guitar player but the problem is they cannot write a song period. These songs would not have been on VH III they are so bad.

    It sucks to see your idols die but they do and most just do not know how to do it gracefully or with dignity.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I hope that Wolfie hits puberty on this tour……

  5. Anonymous says:

    Ok i just got the whole album, i seriously have no clue what the fuck you are talking about……Usually you have good taste but you’re way off here, it sounds like vanhalen …period…..TATTOO not included as its a throwaway.

  6. martineden says:

    Ok, so you are saying the lead track, first single and video is a throwaway and that is OK? That is your indicator right there. You are listening to your childhood and not this album. A little sampling of the brilliant lyrics on this album –

    She’s The Woman –

    There goes an .. I got a ..
    There really something else to see
    So many lock place
    Ho there can’t be just for me
    I’m gonna change the time
    And ever know i think i ..
    There go!
    I know she’s the woman
    She’s the woman
    She’s the woman
    .. In every way
    Baby please
    I’d better love the free times
    Baby see
    I’m gonna change her time
    And let he know i’ll be there
    And know know know
    She’s the woman, she’s the woman
    I don’t wanna love the .. In every way
    Be there see
    .. Times, be there please
    I’m gonna change her time
    And let he know i’ll be there
    I know o know know
    She’s the woman, i know
    She’s the woman, i know
    She’s the woman, i know

    WOW that is really amazing and current. Did my kids write these lyrics in pre-school with other friends and just mix and match until they came up with VH songs? The problem is that they have nothing to say anymore at all. Even worse is the fact that the mix favors David Lee Roth as he is the only one who sounds decent anymore. The band behind him sucks now.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Yes I am saying that, for gods sake 1984 was one of their best selling albums and lots of great tracks yet the 1st single JUMP was the worst of the bunch and also a throwaway. They have done this before…..BTW Lyrics don’t mean shit, its the music and Van Halen SOUND that makes it great…..Ok I forgot the Black Keys and Radiohead have lyrics that are totally sensible…

  8. Anonymous says:

    BTW compare those lyrics you posted to any Roth VH classic track, its all the same. They were never mental giants when it came to lyrics. So whats the diff?

  9. martineden says:

    I need lyrics and a sound that is either exactly classic (ala Maiden) or something kinda relevant and VH is neither. Classic VH was not exactly brain rock and I get that but it was relevant to the late 70’s and early 80’s, sure as shit not to 2012.

    They are now officially the Eagles.

    And Radiohead is not my thing.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Dude Maidens new stuff is in no way Classic Maiden….Sorry I’m a huge fan but thats just not accurate, not to mention their lyrics in no way are relevant in 2012 either, I still love it, but lets be honest.

  11. martineden says:

    You just made my exact argument. Maiden’s still does Maiden. Exactly. Granted Final Frontier was not epic but Matter of Life and Death is as good as 7th Son or Somewhere without questions from the opening track…with no throwaway tracks in between. They are not relevant but they never have been and never tried to be. They simply do Maiden.

    VH cannot even do VH anymore. The drummer is as dead in the water as ever, the bassist is as under-qualified as ever and the once great EVH is now a denture wearing meth head who cannot get through a solo without 40 retakes. As I said before, VH is now the Eagles. I hope you like Hotel California.

  12. Anonymous says:

    again dead wrong on Alex Van Halen, dude listen to the friction new record like China Town etc, he’s exactly as he always has been. Wolfie….well ill concede there, he is actually very good, but no Michael Anthony

  13. martineden says:

    The problem with Alex is simple….he is the only part of the rhythm section now. He needs Michael Anthony more than ever now that EVH is off on a 57 year old ritalin rant.

    Listen man, you can enjoy VH until the day you die and I will never say that they are bad music. I am just saying that they are now the Eagles, thats all, and now they need to go on a dark desert highway with cool wind in whats left of their hair.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Joe i can’t let this rest, listen to the record alongside with me when in back and show me where EVH’s playing isn’t just awesome….For now, Ill gag myself….until we pick this up again….

  15. martineden says:

    I’m sure the line to gag you goes around a few blocks.

  16. Anonymous says:

    BTW EVH still kills it, this from last nights friends and family show

  17. martineden says:

    That is super impressive….except that I have seen it for now 20 years and the last 10 years I have seen it by 11 year olds on youtube.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Fuck Joe what do you want to prove that you’re wrong that VH/EVH don’t have chops anymore? YOu flip flop on your beef with them at every turn….

  19. martineden says:

    I never flip flop. I am an asshole 100% of the time. Hey man, if you love em’ then love em’ Let me know how their next show at the Joliet Casino goes.

  20. Anonymous says:

    now thats funny.

  21. Anonymous says:

    I guess Im not alone…

    “Tattoo,” the lead single from Van Halen’s Feb. 7 comeback album with David Lee Roth, “A Different Kind of Truth,” the band’s first since 1984’s “1984” to feature Roth on lead vocals, blasts onto Rock Songs at No. 16. The song arrives with 4.6 million first-week audience impressions on 78 stations, according to Nielsen BDS. According to tracking data, ‘Truth’ looks set to debut with first-week sales between 180,000 and 200,000 copies — below the 233,000 they moved the last time they released new Roth recordings, with ‘Best of Volume 1′ in 1996, but still pretty impressive in the current sales climate.

    It might not be enough, however, to dislodge Adele‘s hugely successful ’21′ from the top spot. Industry sources speculate that a Grammy sales bump could benefit Adele, who’s favored to win multiple awards, and push ’21′ to its 20th non-consecutive week at No. 1.

    A chart-topping release would likely be especially sweet for Roth, who’s never had a No. 1 studio album with Van Halen; all four times the band has done it, they did it with Sammy Hagar, who replaced Roth in 1985 and led the band through a commercially successful decade before departing in ’96.

  22. martineden says:

    Your right….cause what is popular is what is always good. Someday VH might even get to record and tour with The Black Eyed Peas.

  23. martineden says:

    In another amazingly true report JM News confirms –

    “Metallica’s Black album has now been confirmed as their best album ever as it had Enter Sandman on it which played a lot on MTV.”

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