Anger. In general anger is my guiding light. Whether it is dimly lit or brighter than 1000 suns varies on my mood. Constantly I am in some state of anger. Hatred and seething seem to go hand in hand with this anger but for the most part it rests at a nice 3-4 on a scale of 1-10. I do have 3-5 days per month when it is held firmly in check but I can still feel it bubbling always.
Being belligerent and sarcastic is a clever way for me to disguise this anger but make no mistake, true anger sits in my core. 38 years and I have yet to go Mt. Vesuvius on anything or anyone and hopefully I can stay bottled up for another 38 semi-peaceful years. Or maybe not.